Anyway. I'm considering changing this to "...thanks for that." It seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life lately. Specifically, people who seemingly were a big part of my life, and really close to me have destroyed me. These incidents have made me question everything in my life. Every friendship. Every word that is spoken to me. If I can't trust a "best friend" or a "bestest friend," who can I trust? you've made me a feel like every one in the world is out to get me. And that obviously sounds selfish, but I mean in more in that you've made me unsure of everything. I never thought I was one of those people that trusted too easily, but apparently I was naive. Deep down I know I can trust Anthony, but there's a part of me that always is questioning whether he's just being nice or if I really am his best friend. I freak out if he doesn't answer quick enough. This is ridiculous. I get upset if someone looks at me funny. What the fuck. I used to be stronger. You've belittled me to nothing. both of you. Neither of you regret it either. You both suck. One of you didn't even care enough to try to make it better. Not one measly attempt. And now you're fucking over everyone at home too. Well, I'm pretty sure we're all done trying to reach out to you. So, "fuck you, hope you're happy"...basically. And the other one, you've had enough chances. And you haven't tried not nearly enough. And if you've given up to, so be it.
I deserve better. I'm a good person and a good friend. I'll answer my phone at 2:30am when you're puking in a diner or drying because of your roommate. or take care of your drunk ass even when you won't listen, and "not that drunk." yeah okay.
If someone is reading this, you're probably wondering why I still care. And why I just can't let it go. Well, as much as I say I'm over it, it's affected me. It's hurt me. I'm not the same person. People will tell you that. I've always been a crier, but I've never cried as much as I have this semester. Random nights they pop into my head, and I'm left wondering what the fuck I did to deserve it and I cry myself to sleep. While they don't suffer at all. And it sucks.
I think I'm going to make a tumblr instead of changing this one. See ya later.
